To go from this

to this

you need a cleaver, a pot, a stove, and a potato masher.
To go from this
to this
you need the same cleaver, and a blender.
To go from this
to this

you need this

which my handy spouse whipped up from spare parts and a 6 ton jack on Saturday.
Not that it didn't require a tweak or two before we really got it working.
This

freaked us out. What you can't see in the picture is all the juice about to spill over the sides in highly random directions because the drain hole in the bottom is the wrong approach.
You only get this (and highly relieved non-splattered people)

when you whip out the sawsall and convert that tiny drainhole into a full slot.
Do we know how to torture fruit, or what?